I have been doing everything besides doing what I should be doing.  I got my hair done, my nails done, went on a quick trip to Temecula…all things fun during Spring Break…:)

new hair
New hair, more blonde!

Finally, after enough indulging was had, I went to my M.D. to complain.  After my bid of trying to make her laugh with, ‘well, I’m fat’ and ‘this mole has a halo’, I relaxed and confided in her.  The real reason for the visit was to lay out my complicated reproductive past and to ask for help.

I want to see a fertility specialist.

I see, you mean an infertility specialist?  

Uh, sure.  I frowned.

Once referred and walking back to my car, I was annoyed.  Why does the medical community insist on branding?  When my Kaiser Medical History prints out for the taking, I always loathe the ailments listed: obesity, human papilloma virus, depression, history of club foot…  It’s this annoying reminder of everything I have struggled with and everything I may continue to struggle with.  (The HPV finally left my body after 6 friggin years, yet it remains listed there).

So, why the “in”fertility correction?  I don’t have an issue with being fertile.  I’m the most fertile person I know!  My four losses are not connected–other than that they are related to me:

June 2011: early term miscarriage, 10 weeks

May 2015: ectopic pregnancy, 7 weeks; left fallopian tube removed via surgery

Feb 2016: my son was born with a rare birth defect, 1:35,000; he passed away after only 2 months

Dec 2016: chemical pregnancy, miscarried at 5 weeks

The past two years can bite my ass.  Seriously.

Once I saw Spring hopping along, I started to feel hope, again.  Consulting professionals is one way I am trying to follow my heart.  Expanding my family is a deep desire of mine.

This week I told Miss Specialist that I needed a guide; someone who could lead the way.   I explained my past and started crying.  I want a living child.  She listened sympathetically and told me what she thought.  Kaiser is going to treat me “as if” I am infertile because that is how they can help.  Though this is not exactly my issue, I am grateful for a next step.  I did some blood work 2 days ago and am scheduled for an HSG, hysterosalpingogram.  Basically, an HSG is an x-ray of the uterus and fallopian tubes. Miss Specialist said this would give her more information and at the very least, serve as a nice cleanse.  Sounds alright to me.   Sounds like a path I can take, with hope.

A beautiful street I visited in Paradise, Northern California

Is this confronting options?  Is this accepting a plan?  I’m not completely sure, but it looks like fertility (THAT is what I’m calling it) is going to be my new hobby.


One thought on “(In)fertility

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